At Peace

Inner Peace by *patu- on deviantART

About 1 year ago I was excited at the prospect of returning to UM SPH to complete my MPH in Hospital & Molecular Epidemiology (see post here). It's strange how much things have changed in 1 year. Now I've pretty much decided that I will not go back and finish my MPH, and I'm okay with it - I'm at peace with it.

I didn't come to this decision lightly. I had spoken with family, many friends, and several faculty. I've had people try to convince me to either side. It was the words of my M4 advisor (whom I greatly respect) that clarified my decision. His words to me were something to the effect of:

"I'm going to tell you what I tell residents who're going back and forth on doing a fellowship. A fellowship, like your MPH, is something you have to give it your all and your total dedication. If you're going back and forth like this, ask yourself: is this what you really want? Or is your doubt telling you something?"

In that moment, it became clear. What do I want? What do I want out of my career? Where do I see it heading?

I am obviously still at the beginning of my career, but several things have risen to the top over the last several months. 1.) I want my career to be clinically focused on treating patients. 2.) I want my career to have a public health/community engagement component. 3.) I want to teach students - they need not be med students. 4.) I want a good work-life balance.

None of the above requires an MPH, much less in my highly focused MPH program. When I asked a faculty physician - who basically does what my MPH would've prepared me to do - for his opinion, he emphatically said that I did not need an MPH to do peds or peds ID. What I need for success was talent, hard work, and good networking.

Furthermore, I have no desire (as of right now) to do bench research. There may come a day where I come full circle and find myself back in a lab. And it's not like I'm necessarily giving up on getting an MPH - I may still end up getting it as a part of a preventive medicine or ID fellowship. True I'd have to start an MPH over again from scratch, but being several years removed from it, it actually doesn't sound like a bad thing. But these are all matters in the future, not now.

Will I regret not having finished my MPH now? Well, I'm not the kind of guy who gives up on something half-way through. But things have changed. I have changed (insofar as my outlook regarding my career). I do not regret my decision. I am at peace.